Feeling like a failure and SICK of eating out!

These past few weeks have been the pits for me as far as eating is concerned. I don't know what my issue has been but I just feel like I want to eat all the time and all the bad foods. At work for 2 weeks in a row I didn't bring my lunch. You know what that means. I was going out everyday getting the nastiest, greasiest foods, and wasting my money at the same time. At home was no better. We have been eating out way too much. I'm just sick and tired of this. I feel so disgusted with myself and with my body. I let my progress just go down the drain. I might not have gained all the weight back. But, I'm up to 254. That's bad enough isn't it?

I just want to stop eating out and eat some healthy foods.. heck, even if I eat a can of Spaghetti and Meatballs (which I just ate) that's better than going to McDonald's or Taco Bell for lunch. At least it's under 500 calories for goodness sake.

I feel so unhealthy and fat. It's not a fun feeling at all. It's actually very depressing.

Today I have made a step in the right direction with eating my canned lunch.

I'm trying to improve. I want to just relax about what I eat, but just watch what I am eating and how much. I also need to start eating more fruit daily. I feel deprived of all things healthy and it's time to change this horrible behavior.

Going Crazy

I've really been baddddd this past week. I have not done anything as planned.

Today, however, I ate some mini muffins for 2 points. So I have got 28 points left. I would like to eat light today.

Last night, Alisha and I were talking about eating meat. She said she might eat it once a month... I'm thinking, maybe I should try to cut back on my meat intake as well. Afterall, meat IS heavy. Maybe I could try to fill up on more greens.. you know.. lettuce greens?

I don't think I can cut meat out completely, but maybe to start I could eat one meal with meat a day. Then maybe after that every other day. Then maybe once a week. I don't think once a month will work for me. But I'm going to start out small. Today I'm going to try to eat meat at only one meal and not at 2.

I love love love love Chipotle!

It's one of the greatest places to go. They have fresh delicious ingredients, although some not so healthy. But I don't care. You can't stop loving a place just because it's ingredients are a little on the heavier side. I ordered a  chicken burrito with rice, black beans, tomatoes, sour cream, cheese, lettuce, and guacamole, which was probably like 14 points. That's ok with me though. It's totally worth it! I still have half of it leftover for a little later. I couldn't be more satisfied right now!

Points Balance = 12 points

Ughhhhhh

Hey! It's been a long time. I'm sorry but Charlie was really sick and had to go to the ER and I didn't work for two days. Things were crazy. Food was a little crazy too. I've come to the conclusion that I don't have enough time and all do take a picture of every thing I eat, so if I eat something interesting I will post it. Otherwise, you'll just have to take my word for it.

This morning I ate a package of little bites muffins for 2 points and a glass of milk for 2 points.

Total Breakfast Points = 4 points
Points Balance = 26 points

Sticking with it

So.. I haven't drank a diet soda or had aspartame since Saturday, September 25! It's almost been 3 weeks. I'm not missing it, either. I think water and tea and an occasional juice or milk are treating me just fine. I'm happy with the choice I've made!

Breakfast

Breakfast this morning is:

• Wheaties Protein Bar- 4 points
• V8 Splash- 2 points

Total Breakfast Points = 6 points
Points Balance = 24 points

Today

I've eaten a banana and some apple juice for breakfast, and I'm about to eat an apple. Haven't taken pics right now. Kinda busy.

• Banana - 2 points
• Apple Juice - 1 point
• Apple - 1 point

Total Breakfast Points = 4 points
Points Balance = 26 points

Heavenly Hummus

Lunch was as follows:

• Egg salad sandwich - 5 points
• Pine Nut Hummus - 4 points
• Pita Chips - 4 points

Total Lunch Points = 13 points
Total Daily Points = 16 points
Points Balance = 14 points

That hummus was so delicious.. and it's quite addicting. I really need to watch myself with that.

Juicy Snack

I'm eating an apple for 1 point right now for my morning snack. It's not bitter or tart, but has a subtle sweet taste. Yumm..

Points Balance = 27 points

Rainy Monday morning

I figured I wouldn't get up this morning to do exercise.. I was tired and it was rainy and blah blah blah. I was just lazy. I don't know if my morning plan for exercise will work out, ever, because I'm not so much a morning person. I plan to keep my evening exercise plan but just increase the times.

For my breakfast I had a chewy bar for 2 points.

Points Balance = 28 points

Sunday, horrible Sunday

Sunday ended up being kind of a mess. It started with that pancake and went down hill from there. I had a tall Vanilla bean frap from starbucks for about 5 points. Then.. we went to King's Buffet and I went crazy. I lost track of my points there.

Then, I went to Chili's with my parents and Charlie. I didn't order anything but I was eating chips with salsa and queso dip and cheese fries, as well as part of Charlie's quesadilla. What a bust!

Breakfast and the unexpected weigh-in

Breakfast this morning was a chocolate-chip pancake made by me and a about 2 cups of fat-free milk. But even before that I weighed myself. To my surprise the scale said 248.6 lbs! Wow! It's not down a whole lot but it is better than it has been!

Anyways:

Total Breakfast Points = 7 points
Points Balance = 23 points

Saturday afternoon and beyond

After those quesadillas at 10:30ish in the morning, I didn't eat anything else until like 5:30 pm. It consisted of a piece of flank steak, cuajada cheese, 3 beans and cheese pupusas, repollo, and salsa.That was quite a bit of food, but I did share with Charlie. That was about 10 points maybe at the most.

Then 10:00 pm rolls around and I'm feeling hungry again.. So, stupid me decides to go to Wendys and get the baconnator and fries and sprite. Ughh!!! That was probably like 12-13 points!! I felt sick after eating that. A small hamburger minus the fries would have sufficed but I don't know what happens to me.

So I went over by 3 points for the day.

Point Balance = -3 points!!!

Eating Early

I was feeling hungry so I ate my lunch early: Friday's Chicken Quesadillas

• 2 Quesadillas - 6 points

Total Lunch Points = 6 points
Total Daily Points = 10 points
Points Balance = 20 points

My Exercise Problem

I don't know why I can start off doing intense exercise for awhile, and then I just give up. I don't understand myself. I KNOW that exercise is very important, and it will definitely help me lose weight faster. But, I don't know. I guess I'm crazy or something, because I'm always feeling lazy about it now. Remember when I talked about those rewards for my different weight loss goals? Yeah, well I haven't hit any goals because I am not doing an adequate amount of exercise. Duh! So, I was reading a couple of blogs and articles on the internet about rewarding yourself for doing exercise. I think this is what I need to start doing in order for me to drop some numbers, because I've been hovering around the same weight now for more than a few weeks. I lost that initial 10-11 lbs and the scale doesn't seem to budge now. It's because of that.. the lack of exercise.

In order for me to drop pounds, I have to do exercise. In order for me to exercise, I need to set exercise goals, and have a set SCHEDULE. If I have an exercise schedule, it will be easier for me to stick with it.

I'm going to be starting school the week of the 11th and I go Wednesdays and Thursdays, so exercise then is probably NOT going to happen. Every other day, however, I should be able to get some kind of exercise im. It will most likely be the treadmill!

This is a rough draft just straight out of my brain right now:

Monday, Tuesday, Friday-

• 30 minutes treadmill 6:15 am (I have to start geting up early. I just have to!)
• 15 minutes treadmill 6:15 pm (this time is subject to change.. It will be either when I'm cooking dinner or as soon as I get home or something.. I will figure it out)
• 15 minutes treadmill 8:30 pm (this will be after dinner)

Like I said, this is just a rough draft. The # of minutes might vary in the morning, if I, for some reason don't get up on time.. or maybe in the evening I feel like doing more.

Also, I would like to start up again with my lunchtime walks of 1 mile. That will help me as well.

Ok, so if I complete 3 days a week of intense 1-hour total workouts I will reward myself. It has to be something small.. like a new shirt. Nothing exepensive, but something cute, affordable, and motivating. Clothes motivate me, especially if they are smaller and I can wear them. :o)

So how's that? This coming week I will plan to start. And, I'm going to keep an exericse log and fill it in. I have done that before and it didn't work but this time I will make it work.

Come Monday morning, I will be up between 6:15-6:30 am and I will get on that treadmill and do exercise!

I'm all set. But you know what this means, right? I'm going to have to go to bed earlier now.. :( 

Pumped Up Breakfast

This morning I went to 7-Eleven on my way to work and got a Wheaties Protein Bar, peanut butter flavored. yumm...

• Wheaties Protein Bar - 4 points

Total Breakfast Points = 4 points
Points Balance = 26 points

Last Night

This is what I ate last night:

• Banana (for a snack) - 2 points
• Chicken Macaroni- 9 points
• 1/2 cup icecream - 2 points
• Fruit Smoothie - 4 points

Total Daily Points = 31 points
Balance = -1 point

Yikes! I didn't even do exercise. That is something that I need to get back into because that is a key element of weight loss, and that is my weakest point is doing exercise and keeping up with it.

Anyways..

I must say this tasted pretty good

I don't even know why I ate that icecream. I wasn't hungry after my dinner.

I used an apple, a banana, an orange, strawberries, fruit cup, and apple juice. I split it with James

Panera is starting to become a ritual

Lunch was Panera.. again. So yummy!

Here it goes:

• Frontega Chicken Panini- 4 points
• Fuji Apple Chicken Salad- 3 points
• French Baguette- 2 points
• Sweet Tea- 2 points

Total Lunch Points = 11 points
Total Daily Points = 14 points
Points Balance = 16 points

And the pics..

Breakfast

Breakfast this morning was as follows:

• Streusel Coffee Cake - 2 points
• 1/2 banana- 1 point

Total Breakfast Points = 3 points
Points Balance = 27 points

Dinnertime

Tonight's dinner was a little akward: Chicken soup, rice, avocado, and a slice of pizza.. yeah.. like I said..

• Chicken Soup- 3 points
• Rice- 3 points
• Avocado- 2 points
• Cheese Pizza- 5 points

Total Dinner Points- 13 points
Total Daily Points- 29 points
Point Balance- 1 point

Here are the dinner pics:

I didn't end up eating all of this rice.