Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Late Night Ramblings

I'm sitting here, 11:30 at night, snacking on grapes. I'm wondering.. how did I get to this point? I look back at the start of this lifestyle change, and I think about how motivated and inspired I was. It was so much fun: losing weight, exercising, encouraging others...and now.. what happened? What's different about my thought processes? It's like I'm on the verge of failure. I don't want to be.. but it seems the boost of energy that I had for a short while is starting to fade away. Where can I get it again? Is the energy inside of me, just waiting to be released? Well, I'm not sure. I want to get back where I started off. I need to find the energy again. I'm sick of giving up and giving into temptation. It makes me feel so sick to think about all the progress I've made since the beginning of August. I can't give up. I lost like 14-ish pounds in that short bit of time. It would be stupid for me to give up and let urges and cravings and stress get in my way and gain back what I've lost. I don't want that to stop me. It's not worth it to give up, right? I mean, cravings are just cravings.. they go away eventually.. so why can't I seem to grasp that now? It seems more difficult than it was at first. Eating out of boredom is not acceptable. It doesn't do me any good. Eating a healthy dinner and then Taco Bell 2 hours later is just gross. How do I expect to live a long healthy life, and not get diabetes, if I continue such horrible eating habits? I need a reality check y'all. I'm doing bad. I need a fresh start, a breath of fresh air, a clean slate. I know I'm willing. This is what this blog is about. It's about my weight loss journey; the ups and downs, and turnarounds. I've just got to start all over. That's what I'm going to do. Tomorrow morning I'm going to weigh in my new starting weight. I'm going to eat either a bowl of cereal or a cereal bar. I'm going to eat a morning snack and blog and tell you all what it is and my lunch (which I've already made!) will be rice, chorizo with scrambled eggs, a little mozzarella cheese, some black beans, and a few tortillas. I should probably take a walk as well. I mean, afterall, we have some nice weather out there. It is the perfect time to do some walking. I got no excuse. I want to be healthy, happy, thin, athletic, and oh-so many other things in my life. I'm 20 years old. I'm still young, but time is flying by now. I want to enjoy my youth and be happy. I don't want to suffer anymore because of my weight. I have just got to get back to the way I was a month ago.

Well, that's a random rambling..but quite motivating to myself...I guess that energy is inside of me afterall :)

Let's just see if I follow through with all of this tomorrow..

1 comment:

Heather Hawkinson said...

We're on the same page, Christina. Read my blog.
But we're gonna beat this thing and win! Hang in there honey. I think if we get down into the trenches and dig deep to where the troubles are, we can emerge, stronger, and leaner.